Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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