just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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