you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
