So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
