YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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