I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
