Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
