try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
