No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
