Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
