pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
