you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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