I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
