do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
