problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
