I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize