checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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