In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
