He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
