he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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