shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
