why didn't you poke me back
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
