he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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