i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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