i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
