Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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