its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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