I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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