why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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