wrigley field is MILF paradise
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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