Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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