I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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