You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
