What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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