Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
