my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize