we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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