Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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