How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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