she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
