We named our party play list daddy issues
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
