my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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