insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
