the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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