well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
