I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
