there's paper in my vomit.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
