I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
