I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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