So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You need Xanax blowdarts
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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