Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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