my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is the prime rib incident all over again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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