Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
