I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
