It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
