Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I deserve this hangover.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
