Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
