Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
