so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
