i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
