I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's blow job season.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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