Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
