Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You are the jesus of drinking
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize