Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
