Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
